Mourning, Forgetting and Expecting - Devarim
HKB”H genetically encoded us with a defense mechanism to deal with grief. When someone (lo aleinu) loses a loved one, the Torah gives us a hierarchical time frame for mourning, shiva, shloshim, followed by months of aveilut. It can be compared to a serious bodily injury. The immediate thing to do is first aid. Then we are hospitalized to treat it until it has healed. This is followed by a lengthy period of recuperation and rehabilitation.
A year or ten after the event, the injury is no longer festering, most of the time we are able to go about our lives almost as normal. Really serious injuries never truly heal however, they always come back periodically to remind us. A stiffness in the hip when it rains, stabbing pain in the back when we overdo things. Same thing with grief, 5 years after the loss, 10 years, the pain never fully goes away, but it lessens and we have periodic reminders, like a yahrzeit, to remind us.
The healing power of time and the ability to forget is a merciful gift from HKB”H that enables us to go on living.
When Yosef’s brothers told Ya’akov Avinu that Yosef had been killed by a wild beast, Chazal say that Ya’akov Avinu went through the stages of mourning, but for some reason …. he could not forget, even years later, his grief was still a festering wound. That is how he knew in his heart that Yosef could not be dead, for if he was, Yaakov would have been able to forget.
There are certain things we are not allowed to forget, we are in fact commanded not to forget - like Amalek, (Zachor al Tishkach).
Another example is the Churban Beit Hamikdash. True, there is no mitzvah d’oraita to remember the Beit Mikdash, like with Amalek, but Chazal made certain that we would not be able to forget it. It was not simply by commemorating a yahrzeit, once a year like on Tish’a Be’Av. Chazal wanted our grief of the Churban to be a festering wound that would never heal and haunt us every single day, every minute of the day, in everything that we do - our tfilot, our weddings, in our houses (leaving a portion unbuilt/unfinished), our dress, etc.
It is not really possible today to fully conceptualize the enormity of the grief caused by the Churban Bayit 1950 years ago. We live in a different era, most of us leading relatively comfortable lives and it is hard to imagine. Perhaps if we imagine a modern day scenario of similar apocalyptic proportions, we can get some kind of inkling. Imagine we are two years into the Corona and still scientists are still unable to come up with a vaccine. Meanwhile governments have crumbled, the world economy is in a shambles and the Middle Age blood libel returns with a hideous modern twist – Jews are behind the Corona, they are responsible for it all!
With world opinion unanimously against us and no world power to defend us, Russia, together with China give the go ahead to Iran (who now has nuclear capability) to simultaneously launch nuclear missiles at Tel Aviv, Haifa and Be’er Sheva. Millions are incinerated instantly and additional millions suffer radioactive fallout. There is no counterstrike, because Mordechai Va’anunu’s dirty little secret is finally out - Israel does not really have the nuclear capability it pretended to have. The Iranian Revolutionary Guard, supported by Hizballah troops, load up the remaining Jewish survivors and ship them to work in forced labor in the Mahdi Abad mines. The Arabs finally got their wish – throwing the Jews into the sea! The world does not protest, in fact at the same time, pogroms are taking place the world over targeting Jews. Hundreds of thousands die or are deported.
Within the space of 6 months the entire Jewish world is decimated, our sovereignty is no more, our leadership is no more. We are scattered far and wide, those that are not enslaved or dead are fleeing for their lives seeking safe haven only to be turned away at every port of call. There is no more Tel Aviv, the city that doesn’t sleep, no more sounds of tinokot shel beit raban emanating from the walls of Jerusalem, no more start-up nation, no more nation! If you have seen the movie Avatar, it is like the loss of the Hometree!
Fantastical? Could never happen? Well perhaps today it could never happen, I don’t know for sure, but what I do know is it DID happen 1950 years ago. That was what Churban Bayit was. The almost instantaneous destruction of almost 1000 uninterrupted Jewish sovereignty in Israel and the destruction of our “Hometree”.This is what we will be grieving in a few days on Tish’a Be’Av.
It has been almost 2000 years and a lot has changed since then. Many, many multitudes have died in centuries of persecution, throughout which Chazal would not let us forget the prophecies of Yirmiyahu, Yechezkel, (as if we needed reminding – the Cossacks, the Nazi’s and their ilk, yemach shemam vezichram, reminded us repeatedly). Three times a day we said in Shmoneh Esrei “Umeivi Go’el Livnei Vneihem”, “Mekabeitz Nidchei Amo Yisrael”.
B”H we have returned to our ancestral land. With G-d’s help we have once again transformed a barren swamp for millennia, into a Land Flowing with Milk and Honey. We are almost now at the tipping point where the majority of Jews in the world reside in Israel, Rov Am Yisrael Be’Artzo (the Rabbanut Harashit are making preparations for a Yovel). Jews throughout the world enjoy a prosperity and degree of safety unparalleled in 2000 years.
And yet, despite all our tribulations, despite all the open miracles we have witnessed in the last century – we have forgotten. We continue to pay lip service to the memory as Chazal require of us, but in our hearts - we have forgotten, some from despair, some from excess comfort (Vayishman Yeshurun Vayiv’at).
Everyone knows the joke genre about a person who dies and goes to Heaven and the angel at the “Pearly Gates” asks him a question that will allow him entry (or not). The Jewish version of that joke is actually (not a joke) in Masechet Shabbat, 31a. When a person dies he/she is called upon to answer a series of questions. 1. Did you conduct your business dealings honestly? 2. Did you set aside time to study Torah? 3. Did you live in expectation of the Geulah? (amongst others).
It is an interesting cocktail of questions. A person is not asked if they respected their parents, if they davened three times a day, put on tfillin, did chessed, kept Shabbat? are these not important questions too? Why davka the above?
The answer perhaps is because these questions are the foundations for everything else. Without these there is nothing, but if a person has these fundamental requirements, everything else will follow. It is a fundamental to be honest, not just with other people, but with yourself. If you are honest, you can distinguish between what is real and what isn’t. It is a fundamental to study Torah. Without Torah there is nothing, if you study Torah, everything else will follow, tfillin, Shabbat, etc. The real interesting question is “Tzipitem Liyeshua?”
Most of us are basically honest (I hope). We live in an era of Talmidei Chachamim, with the level of Talmud Torah unprecedented in millenia. Most of us set aside time to study, weekly shiurim, chavrutot. It is not so clear however, how well we are doing with the 3rd question. What does it mean to live in expectation of the Geulah?
I’ll tell you what it means. The Chafetz Chayim had a special suitcase packed, just in case Mashiach came suddenly (one of the 13 Principles of Faith – Ani Ma’amin Be’emunah Shleima Be’Viat Hamashiach. Ve’af Al Pi She’Yitmahameiha Im Kol Zeh Achakeh Lo Bechol Yom Sheyavo – BECHOL YOM), the Mashiach could come at any moment. When the Mashiach comes, the Chafetz Chaim wanted to be ready to rush out the door and board a ship for Eretz Yisrael. He didn’t want to be wasting time, packing his toothbrush, a change of clothes. That is Tzipiya Liyeshua.
In contemporary terms, if on the 8:00pm news the announcer says “It is a worldwide phenomenon – all over the world, people are seeing letters of fiery light in the sky, pronouncing the name of the Messiah – in Spain the people are seeing it in Spanish, in Japan in Japanese, etc. Millions are standing on their balconies in awe of this amazing spectacle!” What would your reaction be? Would it be: “Dear come quick, look at this, you really need to see this!” or would it be “Nu, so what’s the big deal!” I do not know anyone alive who wouldn’t give the first response. The first response really says – “They kept telling me that it would happen, but I didn’t really believe it.” The second response is true Tzipya Liyeshua, it means “I live every second of my life believing this will happen, so why would it be surprising to me that it has!”
None of us has that. I repeat – NONE of us really have that level of Bitachon and Tzipiya Liyeshua. We have lost it, maybe out of despair and the trauma of almost 2000 years of Galut , waiting and waiting and it never happened. Many of us have lost it because we don’t see the TRUE value of it. What would having the Beit Hamikdash add to my life that I don’t have already? For many amongst us, the coming of Mashiach would in fact be a great inconvenience, a dent in our otherwise “perfect”, comfortable lives. We have our families, our homes, our communities, our shiurim, our internet, our cars, our jobs, our yearly vacations in a tzimmer in the Galil, business is pretty good – so what is Mashiach or rebuilding the Beit Hamikdash going to give me that I don’t already have? What, instead of spending a relaxing chag with my family in the Sukka in our garden, I am going to have to shlep to Yerushalayim? Who needs it? I am happy with my life the way it IS!
99.9% of us, even if we are afraid to come right out and say it, probably feel like that. We do not really understand what the Beit Hamikdash is.
The Beit Hamikdash was not a “Tzav Hasha’ah”, it was not a response to the Eigel Hazahav – “OK so they see everyone else worshiping idols, so let’s give them something that will satisfy that human need, but the right way!” The concept of the Mikdash existed before the Eigel Hazahav. It appears in Shirat Hayam, long before Bnei Yisrael reached the Midbar.
The Beit Hamikdash is the spiritual and physical structure of the Universe. There is a Mikdash Shel Ma’alah in Shamayim. This is reflected in the Mikdash Shel Mata here on earth – the first, second and bimheira beyameinu, the third. It is ALSO reflected in ourselves, in our spiritual and even physical makeup. The Beit Hamikdash is a fundamental concept that joins Heaven and earth “Ke’Ir Shechubra La Yachdav”. It is a fundamental, existential requirement of the existence of the Briya! Only when the Mikdash Shel Ma’alah is connected with Mikdash Shel Mata, which in turn is connected with the Mikdash Shebetocheinu, is the puzzle complete. That is the way it was in Gan Eden before the chet. That is the way it will be again when Mashiach comes.
If we think we can have life without the Beit Hamikdash, we don’t understand what life is. The life we have now is an empty shell compared to that. Tzipiya Liyishua is as fundamental as the other primary questions because it is a crux of the existence of the Creation! If we do not believe in that, there is nothing. If we do not live every second of our lives, not just 3 weeks a year, believing in that, truly believing in that, that it cannot be otherwise, then we do not really have Tzipiya Liyeshua, we have lip service to it. We need to wake up every morning expecting to hear that 8:00pm news broadcast so that it is obvious, it could not be otherwise.
Kol Hamitabel Al Yerushalayim Zocheh Vero’eh Behibanoto! We need to mourn the Churban, we need to feel the loss, the true loss, not for what happened 1950 years ago, but for what is happening now! Chazal say anyone who does merit having the Mikdash rebuilt in their generation, it is as if the Mikdash was destroyed in that generation! Every generation has the potential for Achishena, for the Mashiach to come before the allotted time. Every generation has someone who has the potential to be the Mashiach! Everyone needs to think to themselves – I could possibly be the Mashiach! Take a good honest look at yourself and see what needs improving on and fixing in your middot, so that you can bring yourself to the level where it could actually be you! We all need to do Tshuva, we all need to work hard on ourselves, to elevate ourselves. Ernest Hemingway said “There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self”.
But mourning is not enough. Mourning ends and then comes forgetting! Tish’a Be’Av ends and then life returns to normal and we get on with the real business of the summer vacation.
We need constant expectation!
How do we do that? Chazal gave us the formula, we just need to apply it honestly and truly and not turn it into lip service, something that can just be glossed over because it is “not that important in the bigger scheme of things”. We need to say Korbanot every morning, not just start Shacharit from Hodu! And it’s not enough that we just say them, we need to understand what we are saying and in order to do that we need to learn about them. Not just once every seven years when the Daf Yomi cycle comes around, but ALL the time. The Yeshivot need to start learning Kodshim with the same intensity as Nezikim. But Nezikim is practical, something that we can use now, today! The Kodshim is not practical now! I hear everyone say. That is why the Yeshiva world looks like it does today. Nobody asks you when you mafkid your neshama after 120 if you studied Baba Batra! They DO ask you if you studied Masechet Midot, Menachot, Zvachim and kept the concept of Geulah alive! Not only do we have to say it, understand it, we also have to mean it! We have to feel like we are actually bringing the Tamid, the Ktoret and ache that it is only Uneshalma Parim Sfateinu!
How many of us know that Mincha doesn’t begin with Ashrei? It doesn’t. It actually begins with Parshat Hakiyor, the Tamid, the Ktoret and then comes Ashrei! How many of us actually skip those and start at Ashrei? We don’t have time, we have to get to work in the morning and the bus leaves at 8am! I only have 12 minutes for Mincha then I have to get back to work, I have a meeting at 3pm to prepare for!
What is always the first korban? The Korbanot! Everyone sacrifices them for “more important things”.
That is one little thing we can work on and try to improve in ourselves. It starts with that. If the Korbanot are not really that important to us, we will never achieve Tzipiya Liyeshua. When we make the reality of the Beit Hamikdash and the Avodah part of our daily routine, devote time to studying more about them and applying the principles and the lessons of the Beit Hamikdash to our own lives, the Mikdash Shebetocheinu, not only are we increasing our level of Tzipiya Liyeshua, we are actively participating in the rebuilding of the Mikdash right now! (Yalkut Shimoni, Yechezkel 43)
When we reorganize our lives according to that mindset, we will be introducing an element of bitachon and simcha into our lives and not only sadness and despair. If that approach is elevated to the highest level we will be like Rabi Akiva who, when he saw the ruins of the Mikdash rejoiced and started laughing - because he understood that if the prophecy of destruction was true, that is a guarantee that the prophecy of Yeshuah and Geulah is also true and that is a reason to rejoice.
Just like we need to Likboa Itim Latorah, because everything flows from there, it is a fundamental - we need to start working on our Tzipiya, our expectation of Yeshua and Geulah, it is also a fundamental, no more (and no less) than studying Torah.
This is what our generation needs to work on. We B”H live in a generation where most of the other fundamental questions are pretty much squared away. There is a chasm in the Tzipiya department that needs closing. When it is closed, we will be Zocheh to Achishena and Binyan Bayit Shlishi Bimheira Beyameinu Amen.
Eliezer Meir Saidel
Showbread Institute
www.showbreadinstitute.com
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