The Real War – Ki Teitzei
כִּי תֵצֵא לַמִּלְחָמָה עַל אֹיְבֶיךָ וּנְתָנוֹ ה' אֱ-לֹקֶיךָ בְּיָדֶךָ וְשָׁבִיתָ שִׁבְיוֹ. וְרָאִיתָ בַּשִּׁבְיָה אֵשֶׁת יְפַת תֹּאַר וְחָשַׁקְתָּ בָהּ וְלָקַחְתָּ לְךָ לְאִשָּׁה. וַהֲבֵאתָהּ אֶל תּוֹךְ בֵּיתֶךָ וְגִלְּחָה אֶת רֹאשָׁהּ וְעָשְׂתָה אֶת צִפָּרְנֶיהָ. וְהֵסִירָה אֶת שִׂמְלַת שִׁבְיָהּ מֵעָלֶיהָ וְיָשְׁבָה בְּבֵיתֶךָ וּבָכְתָה אֶת אָבִיהָ וְאֶת אִמָּהּ יֶרַח יָמִים וְאַחַר כֵּן תָּבוֹא אֵלֶיהָ וּבְעַלְתָּהּ וְהָיְתָה לְךָ לְאִשָּׁה. (דברים כא, י)
The sugya of אשת יפת תואר and the בן סורר ומורה are not easy to understand on the level of the פשט. The Zohar Hakadosh and following him, Rabbeinu Bachyei, Or HaChayim and others, go beyond the פשט and give a deeper explanation of these issues. The passuk says כִּי תֵצֵא לַמִּלְחָמָה, “when you (singular) go out to the war” and not כִּי תֵצֵאוּ לְמִּלְחָמָה, “when you (plural) go out to (any) war”. The (only real) war is - our individual war with our yetzer harah and this entire sugya relates to that war.
In this shiur I would like to explore a new way of understanding this sugya on the level of the פשט, using a principle from Sefer Meir Panim and at the same time learn an important musar haskel for chodesh Elul and Rosh Hashana .
Firstly we need to understand the significance of the halachot of אשת יפת תואר and the need for this היתר in the first place.
The Torah here gives a היתר for soldiers, that if, during war, they see a beautiful woman amongst the prisoners of war and desire her, it is permissible to marry her (under certain, strict conditions). The Torah could just as easily have forbidden marriage to such a woman. When the Torah forbids something, it only forbids something we are capable of complying with. The Mefarshim say that the only reason the Torah permits this case is because this is a temptation that is impossible to withstand and if the Torah had not permitted it, many would have transgressed and done it anyway, באיסור.
The war in question here is a מלחמת רשות, not a מלחמת מצוה. In the war to conquer Eretz Yisrael, Yehoshua was commanded to wipe out all of the seven nations and take no prisoners.
Let us examine for a moment the caliber of the soldiers in such a מלחמת רשות confronted with such a situation. In last week’s parsha, Shoftim, we read about which soldiers were permitted to go to war in the first place and which were not – anyone newly married, anyone who just planted a vineyard, anyone who was fearful (of their sins), etc. The only soldiers fighting in the war were tzaddikim who were sin-free, of the highest caliber. If the Mefarshim say that even for them, this temptation was impossible to withstand, על אחת כמה וכמה for those of lesser spiritual standing.
Despite the היתר, the Torah advises against it and from the proximity of the subsequent paragraphs about the אשה שנואה and the בן סורר ומורה, clearly spells out to us what we can expect if we go ahead with such a reckless endeavor. The result is that, despite the fact you convert the אשת יפת תואר and marry her, you will eventually end up hating her and marrying an additional (Jewish born) wife. As a result, the firstborn from the hated אשת יפת תואר will grow up in a dysfunctional family and will rebel and become a בן סורר ומורה.
The Mefarshim tell us that if you want to understand a thing you need to examine the root of the thing - the first time it is mentioned in the Torah. The question is, “Do we have a case of אשת יפת תואר in the Torah, prior to its mention in this week’s parsha?
We know the Imahot were beautiful women. Just before Avraham goes down to Egypt he says to Sarah הִנֵּה נָא יָדַעְתִּי כִּי אִשָּׁה יְפַת מַרְאֶה אָתְּ (בראשית יב, יא). When Eliezer encounters Rivka for the first time the Torah says וְהַנַּעֲרָ טֹבַת מַרְאֶה מְאֹד (בראשית כד, טז). In describing Rachel the Torah says וְרָחֵל הָיְתָה יְפַת תֹּאַר וִיפַת מַרְאֶה (בראשית כט, יז).
Actually the Torah says about Sarah and Rivka that they were יְפַת מַרְאֶה but that Rachel, in addition to being יְפַת מַרְאֶה was also יְפַת תֹּאַר. So in fact the only one of the Imahot that exactly matches the description of אשת יפת תואר is Rachel. If one examines the story of Rachel and Leah and the sugya of אשת יפת תואר in this week’s parsha, there are many similarities, including who Yaakov favored as the true bechor, Yosef over Reuven.
However, the first case in the Torah of an אשת יפת תואר was long before the Imahot. I would like to now revisit an episode I often discuss in my shiurim, but this time through the prism of אשת יפת תואר as it appears in parshat Ki Teitzei.
In Meir Panim I bring the principle that the origin of חטא אדם הראשון was his tardiness in performing the first mitzvah he was commanded to by HKB”H – פרו ורבו (see shiur on Devarim). Chava, frustrated by her husband’s lack of diligence, decided to take matters in her own hands and speed things up by giving Adam wine to drink, to put him in the right mood. In thus doing, she invited the נחש in, who duped her into eating from the עץ הדעת. Chava’s intentions were pure, she recognized the delay in performing HKB”H’s commandment and tried to facilitate it. However, by eating from עץ הדעת it turned into a מצוה הבאה בעבירה.
Chava, who had now sinned, became mortal. Chazal tell us that out of jealousy and fear that Adam, who so far had not sinned and was still immortal, would divorce her and remarry another woman, Chava fed Adam from the עץ הדעת and caused him to sin as well, making them both mortal.
This is the critical point in the debacle that we need to analyze.
We said before that the Imahot were all beautiful (even Leah, although the Torah does not spell it out, she had an inner beauty). Chava too was beautiful. The Gemara (Brachot 61a) describes the chuppah of Adam and Chava, relating that HKB”H braided Chava’s hair to endear her to her husband. Braiding, gathering up and minimizing the exposure of a married woman’s hair is a sign of צניעות.
Adam was just waking up with a hangover from drinking too much wine, perhaps still a little tipsy. Chava, who realized she had sinned, was now planning her next move – which was to get Adam to also eat from the עץ הדעת.
This encounter between Adam and Chava after she sinned (even though Adam did not yet realize it), was tantamount to waging war. כִּי תֵצֵא לַמִּלְחָמָה עַל אֹיְבֶיךָ - the word תֵצֵא (singular), referring to one person (Adam) going out to war against his enemies (plural), the נחש and the ס"מ. The yetzer harah is referred to in the plural because, according to Chazal (Sukkah 52a), he has seven different names – רע, ערל, טמא, שונא, מכשול, אבן, צפוני.
וְרָאִיתָ בַּשִּׁבְיָה אֵשֶׁת יְפַת תֹּאַר Adam now sees Chava, in a different way than before. Firstly her status has changed - she is now a שבויה, a captive of the yetzer harah. Secondly, Chava is now pulling out all the stops to appeal to and entice Adam, she is now an אֵשֶׁת יְפַת תֹּאַר. She appears to Adam with her hair unbraided (uncovered) פרוע ראש, and in different clothing שמלת שביה.
Before the sin of the עץ הדעת, The Zohar (Vayakhel 272) and Pirkei de’Rebi Eliezer (Breishit 14) tell us that Adam and Chava were not unclothed, as is commonly understood. They were surrounded by special heavenly clothes given to them by HKB”H called צִפּוֹרֶן, consisting of Heavenly “merkavot” and מחנות קדושים that protected them so that nothing bad could touch them. Above they were covered by the ענן הכבוד. After Chava (and following her Adam) sinned, these Heavenly “clothes” were removed and only a small fragment of the original צִפּוֹרֶן remained at the tips of the fingers (Adam and Chava’s fingers were fused as one and human fingers only separated into five when Noach was born). The Zohar says that these remnants of the צִפּוֹרֶן are ruled by the כוחות הטומאה. (Bli neder at some time in the future, I will devote an entire shiur to the subject of fingernails).
Adam, used to seeing Chava with her hair braided and in her Heavenly attire now saw her with her hair uncovered, her Heavenly attire removed and all that covered her were leaves of the תאנה tree.
How did Chava present the fruit of the עץ הדעת to Adam to convince him to eat it? She said “Here is Lechem Abirim, just like we are used to eating”. “הנה גם זה לחם אבירים” in gematriya is תאנה. This is why they covered themselves in fig leaves after the sin, mida keneged mida.
Just as an אֵשֶׁת יְפַת תֹּאַר dresses in her “fanciest dress” and bares her hair to attract the attention of her captors, with the intent of escaping a lifetime of servitude, so too did Chava pull out all the stops to entice Adam.
Incidentally, this is one of the reasons that on Rosh Hashana we do not eat braided challahs, but simple round ones. Rosh Hashana was the day Adam and Chava were created (and sinned) and Rosh Hashana today is a tikkun for that sin, a component of which was Chava unbraiding her hair.
Waking from a drunken stupor, Adam was duped by Chava’s appearance, ate from the עץ הדעת and was punished mida keneged mida וְקוֹץ וְדַרְדַּר תַּצְמִיחַ לָךְ וְאָכַלְתָּ אֶת עֵשֶׂב הַשָּׂדֶה (בראשית ג, יח). The gematriya of שִׂמְלַת שִׁבְיָהּ is “אֶת עֵשֶׂב הַשָּׂדֶה” and also "כְּגִבּוֹר מִתְרוֹנֵן מִיָּיִן (תהילים עח, סה)".
How could Adam have been fooled by such a thing? We cannot possibly fathom the spiritual (and physical) magnitude of Adam Harishon. Compared to him we are like donkeys (and not the donkeys of R’ Chanina ben Dosa and R’ Pinchas ben Yair (Shabbat 112b). The bottom line is the ruse worked - we know that Chava successfully managed to convince Adam to eat from the עץ הדעת, as Adam later admits וַיֹּאמֶר הָאָדָם הָאִשָּׁה אֲשֶׁר נָתַתָּה עִמָּדִי הִוא נָתְנָה לִּי מִן הָעֵץ וָאֹכֵל (בראשית ג, יב). How is it possible to understand this?
As the Mefarshim say, the reason that the היתר of אֵשֶׁת יְפַת תֹּאַר exists in the first place is only because this is something no human being can resist and the Torah only forbids things that we can comply with. No human can comply with an isur of אֵשֶׁת יְפַת תֹּאַר, even someone of the magnitude of Adam Harishon before the sin.
The ס"מ saw an opportunity to reduce Adam Harishon from his elevated stature and prove that he was right when he originally advised Hashem against creating man - מָה אֱנוֹשׁ כִּי תִזְכְּרֶנּוּ וּבֶן אָדָם כִּי תִפְקְדֶנּוּ (תהילים ח, ה). There was no way he could do it directly, Adam was protected from bad influences by his Heavenly attire and nothing could get near him - except Chava. The ס"מ, riding on the back of the נחש, duped Chava, who only wanted to perform HKB”H’s commandment of פרו ורבו, into thinking that the “נחש” was helping her, when in fact he was doing the opposite. Chava, in turn managed to dupe Adam into eating from the עץ הדעת by becoming an אֵשֶׁת יְפַת תֹּאַר, which even Adam could not resist.
Since Chava was an אֵשֶׁת יְפַת תֹּאַר, the subsequent halachot applied to her. וְגִלְּחָה אֶת רֹאשָׁהּ - her beautiful hair, originally braided by HKB”H, that she shamelessly flaunted in an attempt to dupe Adam, was shaven. וְעָשְׂתָה אֶת צִפָּרְנֶיהָ – the Heavenly צִפּוֹרֶן that she defiled, which only remained at the tips of her fingers and were contaminated by טומאה had to be grown long to make her ugly in Adam’s eyes. וְהֵסִירָה אֶת שִׂמְלַת שִׁבְיָהּ מֵעָלֶיהָ – the enticing fig leaves she wore to seduce Adam were replaced by כתנות עור, physical, non-Heavenly clothes. וְיָשְׁבָה בְּבֵיתֶךָ וּבָכְתָה אֶת אָבִיהָ וְאֶת אִמָּהּ יֶרַח יָמִים – she sat in solitude for a month and wept to the Father (HKB”H) that she had wronged and to the “mother” (כנסת ישראל נמשלה לאמא) she had forfeited (Chava was supposed to give birth to the Twelve Tribes – Yalkut Shimoni, Breishit 5,1). The Torah uses the word ירח and not חודש, which is the commonly used word for month, reminiscent of וַיָּרַח אֶת רֵיחַ בְּגָדָיו וַיְבָרֲכֵהוּ (בראשית כז, כז), Yitzchak smelt Yaakov dressed in בגדי עשו החמודות, which Chazal say were the כתנות עור of Adam and Chava.
Adam did not get off scott free either - his Heavenly clothes were also replaced by כתנות עור, he spent 130 years in תענית and another 130 years living in פרישות from Chava (Eruvin 18b).
It is safe to say that after tricking Adam into eating from the עץ הדעת, Chava was not his favorite person. Adam now essentially had “two” wives, the original Chava whom he loved and the new Chava whom he now hated and blamed for his misfortune. Chava was now an אשה שנואה. From Adam’s last encounter with Chava, five children were conceived, Kayin and his twin sister, Hevel and his two twin sisters (Abarbanel ספר האומות). כִּי תִהְיֶיןָ לְאִישׁ שְׁתֵּי נָשִׁים הָאַחַת אֲהוּבָה וְהָאַחַת שְׂנוּאָה וְיָלְדוּ לוֹ בָנִים הָאֲהוּבָה וְהַשְּׂנוּאָה וְהָיָה הַבֵּן הַבְּכוֹר לַשְּׂנִיאָה - Kayin was the firstborn and was contaminated by the זוהמת הנחש (Yevamot 103b). Kayin, the hated, contaminated son of the hated mother grew up in a dysfunctional home. Kayin’s father would not go anywhere near his mother for 130 years!
Not surprisingly therefore that Kayin grew up to be rebellious, a בֵּן סוֹרֵר וּמוֹרֶה אֵינֶנּוּ שֹׁמֵעַ בְּקוֹל אָבִיו וּבְקוֹל אִמּוֹ. HKB”H had cursed the earth and Kayin, defying HKB”H and, most likely, his parents’ advice, chose to be a farmer and work the earth, which only bore thorns and thistles. It was impossible to grow any food from the earth, so Kayin instead farmed flax, which he made into clothing. Kayin’s brother Hevel, uncontaminated by the נחש, became a shepherd and raised sheep, so there would be food to eat. Kayin gave his brother flax to make clothes and Hevel gave Kayin meat to eat.
If one brother raises sheep and the other receives sheep as gifts, which of the two do you think would eat more meat, the one who raises the sheep or the one who receives them as gifts? The answer is the one who receives them as gifts. When someone has self-confidence and security about their life, they tend toward moderation. Someone who lacks security and self-confidence, who is constantly plagued by guilt, knowing that they are a disappointment to their parents and G-d, this is the kind of person who overeats זוֹלֵל וְסֹבֵא.
A בֵּן סוֹרֵר וּמוֹרֶה is sentenced to death because of his “end”, how he will eventually end up. His death is וּרְגָמֻהוּ כָּל אַנְשֵׁי עִירוֹ בָאֲבָנִים וָמֵת, he is executed by סקילה. This is how Kayin died.
As it is possible to foresee the “end” of the בֵּן סוֹרֵר וּמוֹרֶה it came as no surprise that Kayin killed his brother Hevel. How did he kill him? In the Midrash it describes the conversation between HKB”H and Kayin following the murder –
אמר לו קין: ריבונו של עולם, לא ידעתי ולא ראיתי הרוג מימי. וכי הייתי יודע שאני מכהו באבן והוא מת? (תנחומא, בראשית, סימן ט).
Kayin killed Hevel with a stone. Therefore, מידה כנגד מידה he too was killed with a stone, not a stone “thrown” at him, but a stone tipped arrow, unintentionally shot by Lemech.
There is a machloket in Sanhedrin whether an actual case of a בֵּן סוֹרֵר וּמוֹרֶה ever existed or not. Some opinions say that Avshalom (son of David Hamelech) was a בֵּן סוֹרֵר וּמוֹרֶה. The Tosefta (Sanhedrin 11, 2) holds of the opinion that there was never an actual case and there never will be - its sole purpose in the Torah is so that we may study it and receive the merit for studying it.
If however, we learn the parsha of חטא אדם הראשון and its aftermath through the prism of this week’s sugya of אשת יפת תואר and בן סורר ומורה, this throws new light on the machloket and explains many issues that were not easy to explain before, like why shave the woman’s hair, why grow her nails long, etc.
Ultimately however, the true lesson this parsha in Ki Teitzei comes to teach us, is something practical that we may use in our everyday lives, and not just consider a historical event that is long forgotten. This is the perush of the Zohar, R. Bachyei, etc. that the entire episode is referring to our battle with our own yetzer harah (which correlates with the new פשט above, how this age-old battle was instigated in the first place).
If we examine it in that light, we gain a deeper insight into how to control our own yetzer harah and do tshuva, which is a central focus of chodesh Elul. The most important lesson to learn in this regard is the following –
כִּי תֵצֵא לַמִּלְחָמָה עַל אֹיְבֶיךָ וּנְתָנוֹ ה' אֱ-לֹקֶיךָ בְּיָדֶךָ וְשָׁבִיתָ שִׁבְיוֹ.
The Torah is teaching us that on our own, there is no way we can ever conquer our yetzer harah. We are battling an angel and have no chance to defeat him without help. HKB”H is not asking us to defeat our yetzer harah on our own, all He is asking is that כִּי תֵצֵא לַמִּלְחָמָה עַל אֹיְבֶיךָ – we make a concerted effort to try to defeat our yetzer harah, even though we know that alone we can never accomplish that. However, HKB”H tells us, “You go out to battle, make the effort כִּי תֵצֵא לַמִּלְחָמָה עַל אֹיְבֶיךָ and then I will help you וּנְתָנוֹ ה' אֱ-לֹקֶיךָ בְּיָדֶךָ”. How many people give up before they begin? “What is the point? This is the way I am, I will never change, I can never change!” We need to take the first step and make the effort at least. We need to learn who our true enemy is, to respect his terrible power over us and not minimize it and we need to devise strategies how to counter him.
Our yetzer harah uses techniques to tempt us that we cannot resist. An אֵשֶׁת יְפַת תֹּאַר is impossible to resist say the Mefarshim. So how do we protect ourselves from our yetzer harah?
וְגִלְּחָה אֶת רֹאשָׁהּ וְעָשְׂתָה אֶת צִפָּרְנֶיהָ The only part of our body that continues to grow after age 20 is our hair and our nails. The rest of us has pretty much been determined by then, our height, our nose size, etc. Only the hair and nails continue to grow throughout life. We have to continually cut and trim them. They serve as a constant reminder that nothing is permanent, this life is fleeting and we should constantly have our eye on the “long view” and not just on this short, temporary life and all its temptations. If this is at the forefront of our thoughts, we learn to steer away from the wiles of the yetzer harah.
וְיָשְׁבָה בְּבֵיתֶךָ We need to make the beit hamidrash our second home and constantly be involved in studying Torah, which is the antidote to the yetzer harah.
וּבָכְתָה אֶת אָבִיהָ וְאֶת אִמָּהּ יֶרַח יָמִים We should constantly cry to HKB”H asking Him to forgive our sins, especially during יֶרַח יָמִים, in one specific month, the month when HKB”H has closer proximity to us than any other, when המלך בשדה, the month of Elul. We need to cry out and do tshuva and then HKB”H will forgive us and restore us to how we were at Har Sinai, how Adam Harishon was before the sin, when we were betrothed to HKB”H וְאַחַר כֵּן תָּבוֹא אֵלֶיהָ וּבְעַלְתָּהּ וְהָיְתָה לְךָ לְאִשָּׁה.
