First Impressions – Vayigash
ויאמר יוסף אל אחיו אני יוסף העוד אבי חי ולא יכלו אחיו לענות אתו כי נבהלו מפניו (בראשית מה, ג).
In parshat Vayigash we read about the revelation of Yosef to his brothers. The stunned brothers were unable to respond because they were afraid of him. The passuk says נבהלו מפניו – they were literally “afraid of his face”. The gematria of ויאמר יוסף אל אחיו אני יוסף העוד אבי חי is the gematria of כי קרן עור פניו. When Yosef revealed himself to his brothers, his face shone with a Divine radiance, much the same as Moshe Rabbeinu’s did.
The Midrash on that passuk says –
אבא כהן ברדלא אמר, אוי לנו מיום הדין אוי לנו מיום התוכחה.... יוסף, קטנן של שבטים היה, ולא היו יכולים לעמוד בתוכחתו ..... לכשיבא הקדוש ברוך הוא ויוכיח כל אחד ואחד לפי מה שהוא .... על אחת כמה וכמה. (בראשית רבה, ויגש, צ"ג, י)
To better understand this interaction between the brothers and Yosef, a little background is required. This is based on a shiur I heard from מורי ורבי HaRav Rosenblum shlita. As we retrace our steps a little, a pattern of inconsistency emerges. Many parts of the story simply do not make sense.
Let us return to last week’s parsha Mikeitz. Yosef is extricated from the pit and made viceroy of Egypt, the second most powerful man in the world, after Pharaoh. Yosef has all the resources of the world’s greatest superpower at his disposal and what is the first thing he does? He send messengers to his father Yaakov who he hasn’t seen for 15 years saying “Abba, it is me Yosef, I am alive and well in Egypt”, right? Wrong! No SMS, no Whatsapp, no carrier pigeon, no messenger on a donkey (a 6 day journey away).
We can maybe understand before this, when Yosef was a slave in Potifar’s house, when he was in the prison, there was no way to send word, but now? So you can say that Pharaoh put him straight to work on gearing up for the seven years of famine. OK, so in the first 6 months he was busy over his head, but for seven years, seven years! while stockpiling grain, he never found a single opportunity to contact his father? It is not as if he had forgotten about Yaakov, quite the contrary. When he first interrogated his brothers, the first question he asked them was “Do you have a father (who is still alive)?” When Yosef reveals himself in this week’s parsha, the first thing he says is “Is my father still alive?” This was constantly at the forefront of his thoughts. This is the first question.
After selling Yosef, the brothers had remorse, Reuven for sure, Yehuda for sure, and very likely most of the others as well (perhaps not Shimon). When the ten brothers go to Egypt for the first time to procure grains, the Midrash tells us they resolved to find Yosef in Egypt and rescue him, at whatever cost. They split up and entered from ten different parts of the country and went searching for Yosef. The first place they started looking was בשוק של פריצות – the red light district! Of all the possible places Yosef could have ended up, davka to start looking there? Why not first check the prisons, the hospitals, the farms, the police station? It had been over 20 years since they saw him last. He could have been anywhere and become who knows what. No. The first place to look was in the brothels! Such a high opinion they had of their brother? Of all the places Yosef could have landed up, the most likely was there?
Yosef, using his intelligence network, knows they are in Egypt and he has them arrested. He accuses them of being spies. את ערות הארץ באתם לראות. What kind of impression should one get from their behavior? They had all entered from different points and the first place each of them headed for was the red light district. It doesn’t conjure up a favorable picture and reflect well on their character. Yosef throws them into prison for three days and then releases them. He tells them if they ever want to set foot in Egypt again, it has to be with their younger brother. But then Yosef adds three words – את הא-לוקים אני ירא. The brothers hear this, from a puffed up “Egyptian” goy, a viceroy of Egypt - where the only gods were Pharaoh, the Nile, sheep and other avodah zara- talking about א-לוקים? “Excuse me sir, where did you hear about א-לוקים?” How could an Egyptian know about א-לוקים? Later, when Moshe says to Pharaoh that Hashem commanded him to go to Pharaoh and set Am Yisrael free, Pharaoh replies “I don’t know Hashem”. The brothers hear this and it doesn’t even register with them?
The second time they descend to Egypt, with Binyamin this time, Yosef greets them warmly, releases Shimon who he kept hostage and invites them to lunch. A little strange, isn’t it? True they kept their promise to bring Binyamin, but who were they – foreigners buying grains, just like the millions of other foreigners doing the same thing. Inviting them specifically to dine with the viceroy of Egypt? The brothers don’t find that a little strange? Hang on, what about Kashrut? “Excuse me sir, but is this meat chalak?, which Badatz? Beit Yosef, Eida Charedit?” Yosef reassures them וטבח טבח והכן, don’t worry – it is all mehadrin, the גיד הנשה has been removed, the full nine yards! “Excuse me sir, how do you know about the גיד הנשה?” The brothers don’t think to ask, they don’t question, simply sit down to eat. For all they know this could be נבילות וטרפות.
What about the seating arrangements? There were three tables - one table for the brothers, one table for Yosef’s staff and a third table for Yosef himself. Not so strange, he is a viceroy after all. But wait a minute – the bread that the viceroy’s staff ate was different to the bread served to the brothers. The Egyptians were revolted by the Israelite bread, so that was understandable, but the viceroy is not eating the same Egyptian bread as the staff, he is eating the same bread as the brothers, the Israelite bread. The brothers think nothing of this, it doesn’t register with them?
After discovering the cup in Binyamin’s bag, we read in this week’s parsha that Yehuda “approached” Yosef ויגש אליו יהודה. The Midrash says that his first response was aggressive. The Midrash says that Yehuda had a hair on his chest that when he got angry would bristle up and it was so hard it was like a spear that could impale you in an instant. Yehuda approached Yosef ready for war! The ten brothers were no walkover, believe me. Shimon and Levi alone walked into Schem and slaughtered thousands of men. In response Yosef picks up his stone throne, weighing tons, and shatters it into pebbles. When the brothers see this, they think “Only someone from בית אבא could possess supernatural strength like that!” Yehuda’s demeanor immediately changes from aggression to appeasement, in realization that he is no match for whoever is standing in front of him. The brothers don’t stop to think however “Who can this person be?” It simply doesn’t register with them.
After Yosef reveals himself to them and they get over their initial shock, the Midrash says – they wanted to kill him! Kill him? Just a few hours earlier they were intent on rescuing Yosef, and willing to pay any price to do so. Now that he is standing in front of them, they want to kill him?
They calm down and Yosef sends wagons back to bring Yaakov and the rest of the family to Egypt. The Torah devotes many psukkim to counting those that went down to Egypt. 70 people! Actually if you count the names it only adds up to 69, but that is a subject for another shiur. Only 70 Jews went down to Egypt! 70! Hang on a second, what about all those people that Avraham and Yitzchak converted – כל הנפש אשר עשו בחרן? The thousands upon thousands of גרים, where were they all? What about Eliezer the servant of Avraham and his children? All gone! Just Yaakov and the 70 members of his family. Where did the rest of the Jews go?
After all these tough questions we can begin the shiur.
Why did Yosef not send word to his father to tell him he was alive? Almost all the Mefarshim pick up on this question and bring different reasons – he did not want to shame his brothers מוטב שיפיל אדם עצמו לכבשן האש ואל ילבין פני חבירו (Or HaChaim). He wanted to wait for the prophecies to be fulfilled (Ramban). Yosef and the brothers made a secret pact never to reveal he was in Egypt (Bechor Shor). Mida keneged mida for Yaakov who for so many years neglected honoring his parents (Kli Yakar), and there are many more. Here is another possible perush.
What would have happened if Yosef had sent message to Yaakov that he had been sold by his hateful brothers as a slave in Egypt? After the brothers had lied to Yaakov saying they found his blood stained garment? What would Yaakov have done? He would probably have cursed the brothers (or at least some of them) and that would have been the end of the 12 Tribes. When Rivka sent Yaakov to Yitzchak posing as Eisav to get the blessings, Yaakov asked her – what happens if instead of blessing me, Yitzchak curses me? A curse from one of the Avot is cataclysmic and irreversible! If Yosef would have sent message to his father before reuniting with his brothers - that is what the message would have said. Yosef did not know the brothers felt remorse. He wasn’t there to see what happened with Yehuda וירד יהודה מאת אחיו. He wasn’t there to hear from Reuven הילד איננו ואני אנה אני בא. As far as he knew, during his years of slavery and imprisonment and during the 7 years of plenty, they still hated him as when they threw him into a pit of snakes and scorpions. Only when the brothers came to Egypt and he saw their remorse did his feelings for them begin to change, but he needed to be sure, so he tested them. A true ba’al tshuva is someone who is in exactly the same situation as when he previously sinned, but this time he refrains from doing so. The brothers could have disposed of Binyamin, just as they intended to dispose of Yosef - he was the son of Rachel, not of their mothers. When Yosef saw that they were willing to lay down their lives for Binyamin, he knew that their tshuva was complete. Only then, could he send word back to Yaakov. Not a message of blame and vengeance but a message of salvation and success. The gematria of ויאמר יוסף אל אחיו אני יוסף העוד אבי חי is the gematria of אנא ה' הושיעה נא, אנא ה' הצליחה נא. The word העוד in gematria is גביע. Yosef said to his brothers “I am Yosef – because of the (test of) גביע – my father lives!” When all the 12 Tribes are reunited as one, only then does Yaakov live!
To answer the other questions above, we first need to understand a concept brought by הסבא מקלם, Reb Simcha Zissel Ziv Broida zt”l - called השרשה ראשונה, or “first impression”. According to the סבא מקלם, the first impression a person has of something, is the most ingrained in his brain and to alter that first impression is a laborious task.
The 17 year old Yosef that the brothers knew before they sold him into slavery was to their mind, someone suffering from delusions of grandeur. The boy Yosef used to מסלסל בשערו - he would constantly play around with his hair, combing it this way, making a path to the left, to the right, going overboard with the Brylcreem. According to Chazal the yetzer hara preys on people who are overly focused on their hair. HKB”H gave us a gift – our hair and nails - that we constantly have to cut and trim, as a reminder that this world is fleeting and that nothing lasts forever. Someone who is constantly playing with and glorifying their hair is defying HKB”H and intimating that this material world is the ikar. The yetzer hara preys on these people and leads them astray. This is why the סוטה has to cut her hair, this is why the אשת יפת תואר has to grow her hair long – to make them ugly – the antithesis of constantly focusing on your hair and גשמיות.
When the brothers saw that Yosef was overly involved with his hair, combined with his “hallucinatory” visions of becoming king and everyone bowing down to him, they thought – here is someone over which the yetzer hara has a strong hold. There is only one place such a person can end up – and that is in a שוק של פריצות. That was their first impression of Yosef and it was indelible. To their mind, such a person could only have one outcome and that is why they sold him as a slave to Egypt and not to Midyan for example, because Egypt was the land of ערוה and פריצות, befitting such a person. According to that indelible first impression, when the brothers entered Egypt and started searching for Yosef, they started with the place they most thought someone who is מסלסל בשערו could end up – in a שוק של פריצות. That is the first place they looked.
It was inconceivable to them that someone like that could become anything else, let alone ruler of Egypt. When a person has such a strong first impression that dictates his perception, he tends to miss things that are right in front of his eyes – he just cannot see them. The brothers missed all the signs, because their prior perceptions blinded them. It was not possible that the person in front of them could be Yosef, it did not matter if he spoke of Hashem, if he knew about shechita, if he ate Israelite bread, if he had strength only one of the 12 Tribes could possess, even if he admitted to them that he was Yosef - they still could not believe it! Their perception would not allow them to believe it. According to the Midrash they only believed when Yosef showed them that he was circumcised. And then what was their reaction, according to the Midrash? They wanted to kill him, because to them he was still that same 17 year old boy who played with his hair when they saw him last – there was no way he could have changed. If they would have searched and found him in a שוק של פריצות and taken him back home, to their mind he might have still been salvageable – because that did not contradict their perception of him. However when their perception was challenged, they instinctively first reacted violently.
But Yosef had changed. When he arrived in Egypt, in the house of Potiphar, according to the Midrash Tanchuma, Yosef was still playing with his hair. Hashem said “Your father is grieving for your death and you are sitting here playing with your hair?” Immediately Hashem gave Yosef the נסיון of אשת פוטיפר. When Yosef emerged clean from that נסיון, he was not the same Yosef who used to play with his hair, he was now יוסף הצדיק. But the brothers did not realize this until he said אני יוסף העוד אבי חי and they saw כי קרן עור פניו. This shattered their השרשה ראשונה of Yosef and altered their perception.
What happened to all the גרים that Avraham and Yitzchak converted. People like Eliezer, the servant of Avraham, who Chazal say was a tzaddik of such a stature that he did not die, but ascended with his physical body into Olam Haba? Chazal say that the concept of conversion was different before Matan Torah and after. All the גרים converted by Avraham and Yitzchak were not what we consider after Matan Torah to be a גר צדק. The meaning of כל הנפש אשר עשו בחרן was that that Avraham and Yitzchak managed to wean them off avodah zara and get them to abide by the שבע מצוות בני נח, but not that they became like Avraham and Yitzchak, who observed the entire Torah, even before Matan Torah. Chazal say that it only lasted for that generation. Their children did not follow in their footsteps and returned to their השרשה ראשונה. According to the sifrei hakabbalah, all those neshamot who Avraham and Yitzchak “converted” in their time, came back after Matan Torah as gilgulim as part of Am Yisrael.
השרשה ראשונה was so strong in Am Yisrael after they left Egypt - following witnessing the Ten Plagues, the visions of HKB”H via אספקלריא המאירה during the splitting of the Red Sea, hearing the Ten Commandments directly from HKB”H on Har Sinai - that at the first crisis they reverted to serving עגלים, as they first did in Egypt. They saw all the signs in front of their face, but their indelible “first impression” was stronger than all that. To alter that השרשה ראשונה is laborious and not always possible.
It happened to the brothers when Yosef revealed his true self to them. All their prior perceptions of him were shattered and they נבהלו מפניו.
אבא כהן ברדלא אמר, אוי לנו מיום הדין אוי לנו מיום התוכחה. Woe are we when we face the day of judgement. When HKB”H replays our lives in front of us and points “Look, there I was during the crisis, there I was when you thought all was lost and despaired, there I was during your triumphs and victories – I was there in front of your eyes, but you just couldn’t see me because you were locked in your preconceptions. You could not escape your “first impressions” and imagine anything else”. Woe are we when we face the day of our rebuke, when we are held accountable.
Yosef shattered his השרשה ראשונה during the test of אשת פוטיפר and thus repaired the sin of ערוה committed by Chava in the sin of the עץ הדעת. The brothers had their השרשה ראשונה shattered when Yosef revealed himself to them and thus atoned for the sin of מכירת יוסף, reuniting the 12 Tribes as one and making Yaakov, Israel live once again.
